Win or Lose

So I started out this week with a new mantra, "every decision I make [regarding food and exercise] can mean a pound gained or lost". As I replayed this in my head throughout the last few days I realized it can be applied to a lot of things in life, each decision can be a winning decision or a losing decision. Our attitude can be gaining or losing. So, I have made the conscious decision to make winning decisions or "losing" decisions as much as possible.

It has worked as I'm down 5 pounds this week so far. Alas, the lifelong weight, exercise, healthy lifestyle battle. I just wonder why it is such a battle when we should be genetically programmed to live a healthy lifestyle because that would propagate a more healthy species.

In other news... in order to enjoy our northwoods more fully, BigJ bought he and I kayaks. We took them camping with us to Totagatic this weekend and had a great time even though it rained for hours straight. Lilj likes to ride with us and we enjoyed them Sunday at Leesome Lake as well. I really make an effort to enjoy our surroundings and integrate our lives into the outdoors. We may not do it BIG but we keep it simple and local and enjoy Northwestern Wisconsin.

Knitting-wise: I'm finished with clue #2 in the WestKnits knitalong and my little nugget of a shawl closely resembles clown barf. Yup, I said it. I took yarns out of my stash in order not to purchase new ones and the sock yarns I had that "go" together are BRIGHT pink, BRIGHT orange, and BRIGHT variegated which includes pink, orange, yellow, blue, green, and brown. The resulting shawl-bit is kind of colorblocked currently and is obnoxiously bright. It will make a perfect gift for a BRIGHT friend of mine, but that was not my intention. However, knitting socks in these obnoxious colors didn't appeal to me either.

I finished the "When I'm an old woman I shall wear purple socks" which are a giftmas present for my mom, she tried them on, they fit and they were promptly put away until December. Next I have to cast on for BigJ's giftmas socks as he is the only one in my immediate family who has not received a pair. His will be on Knit Picks Felici Sock Sportweight which I am very excited to knit again as it's delightfully soft and more of a heavier fingering.

I have been listening to a lot of knitting related podcasts and I am having a really hard time explaining podcasts to other people. Why do we listen? I think for me it is like having knitting friends. I have only a few close friends who are spread all over the country and many acquaintances but none are knitters. Sure, some have knit here and there or know how to knit, but none of the local-yokels are really INTO it like I am. Podcasts give me a chance to hear what's new in knitting and yarn and to share knitting experiences with other knitters without leaving home. It also appeals to my introverted side as I can listen without talking back and it is like having chatty friends on demand with no maintenance. I realize that looking at it from the outside it seems odd, but we all know I'm odd. New podcasts this week include Knit Knit Cafe and The Pagan Knitter. Also, my iTunes updated today and totally screwed up the podcast format... odd + annoying. BOooo Apple.

Things I'm excited about: I ordered a tee from Teefury that has Dr. Who fighting Harry Potter. Need I say more? AND Seriously considering Lasik.

Is it really July?!

I cannot believe its been over 10 weeks since I last posted! I'd like to say I'm sorry, but really, who's listening? I've been keeping notes on things I would like to discuss so this will be lengthy to make up for the lack of venting.

For starters, my last weekend was the most

memorable in a long time as I was asked to be a gaymaid for some friends' wedding. It was

probably the most sentimental event I have ever been involved in and it was a true honor and privilege. The wedding was like a fairytale come true which was fitting for their "happily ever after" theme and we even got to visit DC cupcakes, jealous? They asked me months ago to be involved, but I haven't done much since I'm so far away, so it was great to be out there early to help prepare (cupcake tree). Everyone looked beautiful and I was able to catch up with old friends and make some new ones; I know, you're surprised i was social, but I WAS! So, thanks to e, t, and Trudy who did my very-last-minute alterations.

Prior to the wedding our big news is that we are selling our house in Shell Lake. Our goal when we bought our house was to live there for five years and then sell it and move on, either to a new location or to build in the country. So, June 1st was five years and Josh contacted a local realtor to inquire about putting our house up for sale. We were basically told we needed to do quite a bit of work and then it 'may' sell but not to count on it. Conveniently a friend of mine was looking for a house and decided our house was teh one for her! So, we had about 2 1/2 weeks to pack up and move back to my parent's where we'll be until we build next spring! Although everyone involved decided moving SUCKS, it was a good feeling to sort through all the stuff and start thinking about building! Before we left, all my flowers were blooming so I caught some pictures.

As you can see there hasn't been a lot of down time with getting settled back at home. Lilj has been talking more and more. He stopped calling me Mama and now calls me Mommy. It seems like some sort of milestone, like he's not a baby anymore. He has also become a lot more social and will walk up and talk to any stranger, especially kids. He calls all kids "my guys" or the "boys". He really loves to play with other kids. Papa & Lollie spoil him rotten and even got him a pony! His name is Peanut and he's a red roan--adorable! Lilj sat on his back today on the saddle, they are both getting used to each other gradually. We've enjoyed swimming out at Leesome Lake where Mom & Dad have their camper parked, it so refreshing after these hot days. Lilj is getting used to the water more and more every day and LOVES to play in the sand with his shovel or his tractors.

Moving back to my parent's and thinking about building a house has brought up a lot of feelings. We considered buying a house, but I really don't see anything I like on the market. I don't want just any house... I want THE house! I want a house that reflects our family and our beliefs. Therefore, I'm back to the alternative buildings that I studied ten years ago. I'm seriously considering a straw bale house, with post & beam skeleton. They just seem so warm and cozy which is so important in Wisconsin (although you wouldn't have known it this week). We've agreed on NO basement, concrete floors stained and stamped with infloor heat, 1 1/2 levels. However, that's about all we've decided on. BigJ honestly doesn't care as long as he has a place to cook, a place to sleep, and a bathroom. His main concern is building a shop so we've been tossing around ideas on that as well. Its all a lot of decisions and it seems so final, like we need to make these decisions and live with them FOREVER. I'm not sure how true that is, but it feels that way.

For now, I'm really enjoying living with Mom & Dad again. I think the rest of the world is on to something when they live with multiple generations. Why do we see it as successful to move away from our elders? Why do people see it as a failure if you make your home with multiple generations under one roof? Is America the only country where this is frowned upon? Its so nice to always have someone else around to talk to and to share meals and responsibilities. I'm not sure I want to build when I think of it that way, whats the point of building another big house, just across the way? I'm sure BigJ feels differently as they aren't HIS parents.

On to knitting, its been slow to say the least, with so much going on. I just finished my first Giftmas sock for Mom, she tried it on and it fit like a, well, like a sock. I have 2 1/2 more pairs of socks to knit before the Big day so I've got to get knitting as there are a few birthdays and such in between there. I'm also SUPER excited to be starting a knitalong August 1st by Mr. Stephen West an awesome designer. The way a knitalong works, you are emailed a pattern segment every week and knit on that along with lots of others until the next instruction is delivered. I've picked some really bright obnoxious yarn for this project so it will be a great time! I also enjoyed a trip to StevenBe Yarn Garage and Workshop. This was probably the most exciting yarn shop I've ever been in. I think Steven said he had over 1900 yarns. Its an old firehouse which also is dear to my heart! I picked a gorgeous skein of Three Irish Girls Glenhaven fingering in the Peacock special edition colorway which is EXACTLY the colors of a peacock feather and happens to be EXACTLY what I was looking for when I bought my shawl yarn for my birthday... oh well, a little too late, but I've got a shawl picked out and it will be delightful!

Shawls you ask, why are you suddenly making shawls? Well, I must confess, I thought they were a bunch of mularkey as well until I tried it. You know, "don't knock it until you've tried it." But the nice thing is that you can take a shawl anywhere (they wad up nicely), they take the chill off from AC or a breeze or Wisconsin in general, they dress up any plainjane outfit; they also use up sock yarn when you're looking for something else to do with one or two skeins. The best way I've had it explained is that they are the towel that they speak of in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. So, I knit one and yup, all of it is true... and I'll knit another and another and another. I don't know why I always try to buck the system when "everyone is doing it" its probably for a reason, duh!

Since I haven't been knitting so much I must have an excuse and I do. Its the Game of Thrones by George RR Martin and its mesmerizing. I'm actually on the fourth book and its more than I have read since before lilj was born. This is a fantasy series and I would recommend it to anyone into knights, swords, dragons, magic and the like! They have also made an HBO series from the books and I can't wait to watch that when it becomes available. I have really come to embrace my love for sci-fi and fantasy even though Bigj hates it... oh well. I'm hoping to get back to watching Dr. Who this winter but for now... it the Game!

Now the most painful subject or subjects, food and exercise. I've gained back some of the weight I loss and now need to buckle down again. Its totally the sweets that get me everytime. Its like I have the knowledge that i feel better when I eat better and exercise regularly, but i just can't make myself do it... C'mon Lea! So, here's to hoping I can pull it together and get back to a normal exercise routine and eating less sweets.

A Month of Meanderings

We had a great trip to Savannah, GA to visit BigJ's family. The weather was mostly sunny (rain and stormy on our road trip both ways). We spent time downtown Savannah, on the beach on Tybee Island, on John's boat, and playing back at John's house. It was great to see everyone and to see lilJ get to know his Buckridge family. I think he went through a growth spurt in all that sun he seems a size bigger since we got home! Wisconsin welcomed us home with rain, sleet, and snow-how fitting for late April.


The biggest loser is over! The numbers are not in, but everyone who participated did awesome! It was a great way to encourage so many people all at once to embrace a healthy lifestyle. I really think that if we are going to overcome the obesity epidemic and make major changes to our country's junk food lifestyle we need to start at home: health care workers, children, families, hospitals, clinics. We need to be examples to others and push for changes in the system that is encouraging unhealthy lifestyle choices. I came out 5# ahead of my low. I was disappointed that I had gained some weight over vacation, but with all the eating and not a lot of regular exercise it was inevitable. I debated just skipping the weigh in and going with my pre-vacation low, but that's not really honest and I'm the one who couldn't say no to EVERYTHING while we were gone. I was actually pretty surprised it was only five pounds. I think that all the skiing and exercise I have built some lean muscle which helped burn through the junk food. I'm still hoping to stay active and get rid of another 10 pounds or so. I did notice that while we were gone on vacation and I was eating lots of sugar and other junk food I felt awful. It is so true that you are what you eat. I feel so much more energetic when I limit myself to sensible portions (no lunch coma) and less sugar and HFCS (High Fructose Corn Syrup). I have been trying to be much more cognisant of HFCS in my (and lilJ's) food choices as they seem to rev him up and make me eat and eat and eat.

Exercise-wise, I tried running. It has been a goal of mine since I was a teenager to run a 5k race. I have trained probably 5 different years and always have the same outcome: no race & sore feet. After working so hard on weight loss & exercise with the biggest loser I decided to give it one more go... I just ran and ran and ran, then I stopped and walked, then I felt a blister, then I walked home. The next few days I was sore and my knee swelled back up and I decided: my foot dr. is right--I'm not a runner. Instead, I started Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred, which Hana loaned me. Its funny because the workouts are pretty intense, but only 20 minutes. I like her style and its quick to get through in the am before lilJ and I get on the move. I ramped up to Level 2 today as I didn't think level 1 did the job Friday, we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I'm definitely feeling the burn!

I finished my Skew socks before we left for Savannah as was my goal. On the trip down, I cast-on a Traveling Woman shawl and a pair of plain vanilla socks. I'm not loving the shawl and I think I need to frog it (rip-it) and start on smaller needles or find a different project. The socks I LOVE! I finished one and have a good start on #2. I have officially reached my goal of three pairs of socks for me this year and have a half a pair beyond that! I made my list of birthday and giftmas knitting to start in July. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it but my self-made goal is to knit for myself Jan-June other than a few special birthdays and knit for others July-Dec except for maybe socks for me. I think I have most of the yarn I need for most of the July-Dec knitting so my stash should continue to shrink shrink shrink. My goal is to knit from my stash exclusively unless I have a specific project I need yarn for that I don't have in my stash AND its time to cast on that particular project. Exception: travel/souvenir yarn buying is ok. If I can loosely stick to this plan I can buy buy buy at WI sheep and wool festival in September. I'd like to get some blue sock yarn there for me as well as two sweaters' worth of yarn for ME!

I spent a week off work due to low census and day-care being on vacation. By the end of the week I was so sick of my house I decided that I needed to "character-ize" it. I feel that currently my house is "Northwoods Neutral" and I really want it to be "Peaceful, Minimalist, Eclectic" so my goal this summer is to paint the living room and find treasures that support this theme. I'm leaning toward earthy colors like mustard yellow and olive green. I also want to do some improvements in the kitchen and bathroom. I hope we'll be able to convert the front room (which is currently useless) into a three-season porch with large windows and a futon where I can watch the morning sun and drink my coffee. I'm feeling very cluttered... can't wait to clean it all out!

Reflections on working as a nurse: The balance of life is a fragile thing. As health care workers it seems that we are inherently working against the terminality of life; instead of working to enhance the quality of our days many people focus on the quantity. Its ultimately a job that we fail as all lives must come to an end. I hope that I can give my patients some sense of well-being and "quality" even in those last days, hours, moments.

This morning I heard the news about Osama Bin Laden's death. Since I can't word it any better, I'm quoting K.C. on this, "It seems so unnatural to celebrate the death of someone. Rather than focusing on revenge, lets remember this is about peace and unity." I was unpleasantly surprised how many of my facebook friends were so ecstatic about this assassination. Its interesting how the tables turn when we are the hunters instead of the hunted. I'll end with a favorite quote of mine, "War is not healthy for children and other living things!"

Getting my mojo back (or Thank you Chocolate, I love you!)

After being a puddle last time I posted, I got my butt in gear and exercised that day and WALAAH! I felt way better. It was like a vicious cycle that I had not exercised in four days and it was like scraping crusted Lasagna out of a pan to get back to grooving! That was Tuesday and I've exercised each day since. Today I'm planning to go to a Zumba-thon with Mimi... who wouldn't want to go to a Zumba-thon????!!! I have not tried Zumba, but I'm looking to spice up my exercise routine as I've mostly been doing exercise videos and they are pretty boring, but at least they are private. Skiing is pretty dull right now... there is snow, but alas, no daycare and I have wax-tape on my skis which means I need crust... and the snow isn't crust, its STICKY.

Unfortunately because I binged hardcore last weekend, I was up in weight this week. Argh! Nothing crushes you like being a "gainer" whilst doing Biggest Loser. I cannot complain too much though as I was only up 0.8 pounds, which is not much, just the wrong direction. AND (see title) I have been craving chocolate HARD CORE this week. I'm not sure if this is "my time of the month" [sorry guys] or if its from last weekend's binge feeding a lifelong sugar-addiction. The good news is: I finished the bag of dark chocolate eggs I bought last weekend, so they will no longer be a temptation. I have not, however, finished the Oreos... but three cookies is a serving of 160 calories, together with 1/4c milk is an almost perfect UNHEALTHY but oh-so-satisfying snack.

Knitting wise, I've been less-than-inspired. I'm trying to finish my WIPs (works in progress) before starting new stuff so I'm working on a lime green single-ply 100% wool elephant named Florestine Eubaldine after my late grandmothers. Its just not fun. Every row I have to pay attention and count, ugh. All I have left is the underbody which shouldn't theoretically take long but here I sit Blogging. After that I need to knit another sock (singular) to finish out my pair of Skew and I'll be WIP-free. Then I'm knitting something simple and easy and quick... or not... we'll see.

On the techno front: while I was gone scrapbooking last weekend (aka binge & drunkfest with some girlfriends), little man felt the need to free my powerbook G4 of its letters... I got most of them back on, but x & e won't stick. I also have a couple of function keys which are not in place, but I'll get by. On a positive note: I got my new battery today. It was completely dead when I received it so I fully charged it and I'm planning to run in down completely before charging it. Its so great not having to be constantly plugged in. I had bought a new battery and it died after three months so I returned it, of course, that seller couldn't replace my battery so they refunded me and I ordered from another seller. The battery I've been using in the interim lasted all of about 10 seconds if not plugged in: might as well have a desktop.

In my techno-education, I have been sampling some knitting podcasts recently: Brass Needles, Knitmore Girls, StitchIt!, KnitPicks, KIPing it real, and Stash and Burn. I love listening to the different voices, accents, knitting plans... some are more technical, some are more chatty, some are just knitting, some include spinning, weaving, cooking, homesteading and more. It seems like most of the podcasters are a big social network. Every podcast I listen to, the caster talks about another podcaster so I have to look up another podcast etc. etc. Its a crazy vicious circle that I am LOVING! Its like anonymously having friends to chat with without having to dress or talk back!

One of the greatest side effects of the podcast sampling is that Brass Needles is a podcast that is about knitting combined with SCI-FI! I've dabbled in sci-fi for years as well as fantasy, I have always loved reading fantasy and I'm drawn to sci-fi on TV and in movies. I think part of it is that the drama of life continues no matter the race or time or universe. But somehow drama: love, murder, crime, violence is less detrimental to my psyche when its set in a fictional universe. The shows or books where people in my universe are involved in the drama (read love, murder, crime, violence) are just too close to home. There is too much negativity in the real world and I really like the separation between the real world and the sci-fi or fantasy world. In this vein, I've been watching the modern Dr. Who series via Netflix Instant Watch.

By the way, What did we do before Instant Netflix? As you may (or may not) know, J & I haven't had TV cable, antenna, or satelitte for about 3 years now and we agree that is best for us... there is a reason they call it Programming. However, now we have Netflix on Flo's computer and a 20" screen (thanks Randy) and its a whole new world (humming Aladdin theme song). My instant queue is never-ending, lilJ is wearing out Barney's instant queue and Josh is loving all the reality tv (American Pickers, fishing shows, ax men, etc). It seems like one of us is ALWAYS netflixing (is that a new word?).

I requested to be called-off work this week if we were low census since my daycare (aka Lolly & Papa) are off on a mission trip in Alabama. I had a backup scheduled, a good friend with a one-year old son, but it ended up that I only had to work Monday and was off Thursday & Friday! Woot Woot! This was the closest I will ever get to being a stay at home mom and its pretty great. Little J is so fun right now; his imaginative play is really taking flight. Today we had to "walk" to the hospital instead of driving (I know, I know, its 3 blocks each way) in the SNOW! As we're walking, he stopped and looked up at a huge tree covered in snow and said, "where are the monkeys?" I laughed out loud! On the way home, he said, "we have to find the elephants." The things they come up with!

Peace Out! Lea

Puddle

That pretty much sums up how I feel today: a puddle.

I feel exhausted and have NO ambition to do ANYTHING.

I have put in a few loads of laundry, including the sheets which drastically needed it... other than that, I'm still in my PJs.

I've decided that I'm too old for no-sleep weekends... I just can't jump back like I used to...

Spring Equinox

Today is the day that equals the night, halfway between summer & winter solstice. To honor spring equinox I am doing a bit of Spring Cleaning today mostly my most dreaded task: the floors. So far I've vacuumed the bedrooms and living room rug, swept and mopped the living room, kitchen and stairs. I rearranged the living room while I was at it and Jameson's room for good measure. I need to remop the kitchen as its atrociously dirty, then the bathroom floor.

I figure that today is a good day to evaluate how the year is going, as its a quarter of the way gone by the Wheel of the Year.

• One of my goals was to celebrate the Wheel of the Year in some small way on each of the eight special days... I have to admit I failed miserably on Beltane which was supposed to honor motherhood. So I was really set on doing something today: Ta Da!
• Pay off the credit card: well, I transferred the balance and it now has no interest so I'm thinking it will be paid off this year. Josh will be putting some of his profits on the balance so I'm not too concerned it is definitely doable as we are trying hard not to spend money frivolously. We have limited ourselves to a biweekly allowance and only going out to eat on payday (once every two weeks). We enjoyed a "date" going out last week to Spooner Market and Grill while Jameson stayed home with Lolly & Papa for pizza. It was a much-needed break and time to reconnect. Betsy, the chef at SMAG, even came out to see why we weren't chasing a little boy around.
• Loose 25# and stay below 200#I'm happy to say that I am officially below 200# and have lost a total of 21 pounds since starting biggest loser. However, since I unofficially started after Christmas I've lost that 25 pounds afterall! Yeah mee!! I told myself I would buy a small gift for myself when I reached my goal but nothing comes to mind. The other thing is that Biggest Loser continues another 6 weeks! We're only halfway there so I have to continue this momentum and keep losing! My team: the Mom Squad is doing really well, we've been in the top few teams each week. The great thing is that so many people at the hospital and clinic are participating we've really improved the salad bar and healthy meal options as well as limiting snacks around the nurses' station. Overall everyone is doing really well which I think is a great inspiration to our small community: if WE can do it, so can you! It also shows that we are commited to the same healthy lifestyle that we promote to our clients and patients.
• Knit myself 3 pairs of socks close... I have 2 1/2 pairs done and many more waiting in the wings! I finished the first sock of the third pair this morning and was so excited. It seemed to take forever as I had other projects to work on while it was in process. I was feeling very overwhelmed by so many projects. I only have one other project OTN (on the needles) which is Flo, a bright green elephant for Jameson. I plan to finish the knitting on this before I start sock #2 of this pair. Hopefully both projects will be done before heading to Savannah.
• Go on one vacation together as a family. This kind of fell together as a fluke. Josh's mom and grandma are driving down to visit John & Zhenya for Easter and invited Josh as well so we're going! It will be a long drive = 22 hours each way, but we'll borrow a DVD player and I'll knit! We are also planning to go to Mexico in Feb '12 with Terry and Patrick, I think both trips will be great!

I have so many things planned as it warms up... my fitness goal is to bike a lot. I bought a used bike trailer for Jameson and Lucy to ride in last summer so I'm glad he can join me on my adventures--makes planning ahead less important. It also removes my excuse for NOT going. There are lots of places to go and things to do this spring and summer. We have trips planned to Savannah, Omaha, Michigan, as well as some local favorites including Minnesota Zoo, Pattison Park, Copper Falls, MREA Energy Fair, and Madison. Josh and I have decided Jameson is old enough to start camping so off we go!

This was the first year that I am sad to see winter go as it means no more skiing for now. I'm really looking forward to improving next year in my technique and stamina. I don't think more racing is in my future although I would consider the Book Across the Bay again if its not glare ice. I'm thinking Jameson will be ready to ski by next winter so I'll be keeping my eye out for a pair of beginner strap on skis.

How are you doing on your goals for the year?

Did you do anything special today for Spring Equinox?

Disappointment in the shadow of success

Things are still going well with the biggest loser contest. I've officially lost about 16 pounds and unofficially, since I started trying to loose after Christmas, I've lost about 20 all told. The funny thing is that I know that things are going ok in terms of losing weight but there are two major disappointments I've encountered.

1. I can tell that I've lost weight in most areas of my body: boobs, back, belly, thighs (I sound like a chicken at the butcher) but there is just more FAT where that came from. I keep picturing those jello-mold fat samples jiggling about on my love handles and thinking jeez, I have dropped 20 of those things, how many more are there? Lots, lets just leave it at that. Will there ever really be a time when there isn't? Do skinny people still have flab? Well, I will never know the answer to that as I'll never be "skinny" but I thought I'd ask!
2. I got my "skinnier" jeans on today that haven't been buttonable since last summer. Now, even then they weren't exactly wearable but thats another story. The problem: they look awful, they are totally not flattering in the least. Bummer!